Archive for June, 2012

30 June, 2012

Birth Lottery

That noon at McD Sudirman ~

Hanif: You have Dutch blood, don’t you? How Dutch?
Me: Neehh, not much. It’s my great- I don’t know, great-grandpa I think.
Hanif: So you’re… *counting in mumble* 1/8 Dutch then. See, it’s in your browny eyes.
Me: And my skin tone too.
Hanif: What about your Mom? Javanese?
Me: Well, she has Arabic blood. My great-grandma is. That’s why my nose is, well, not that pointed sih, but not bad lah.
Hanif: *cry* Argh, dammit, my skin, my eyes, my nose.. I’m ugly! *sob*

29 June, 2012


“Set me free,
leave me be,
I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity”


What if falling is unfavorably desirable?

29 June, 2012

I am young. She looks young(er) too.

Suatu hari di salah satu kios perak di Kota Gede

Penjaga toko: Mbak, itu kakaknya atau ibunya?
Me: Oh, itu ibu saya..
Penjaga toko: Oohh.. kirain…

20 June, 2012

A Relieve of Despair

Nanda : “Aya aya, sedih banget, kita besok dah berangkat ke Bali, dan kamu ga ikut :(“

I’ve finally made my decision! It wasn’t an easy one, really. If it was, the previous post wouldn’t even be there :’)

Thank you to those who’ve been kindly willing to listen and understand.
And thanks to Nanda, it really means a lot :””’)
Aaah I’m so missing my fellow Surakarta debaters!!

9 June, 2012


Being a perfectionist is like a double-edged sword – deadly to both parties, yet still favorable. #masochist (?)

@ayagratsia, 5th June 2012

Don’t you know how suck it feels having to choose one over zillion? Well, not that much sih, but still, each has its own importance, specialty, and sort of force-power I barely dismiss.

It’s not that I don’t want to, instead I want them all! But come on, do you think I can copy myself  into seven to accomplish each of them? The thing is, I have to choose, make priority list, include some and exclude the rest. Might be bitter but what else can I do?

We can never please everyone.

That’s the most feasible thing possible. Yet still, each forces themselves to be on top of priority. When can I please myself then?

My satisfaction comes when I do things – mostly which I desire, in a way I want them to be. Perfect. That’s what makes me a perfectionist. However, I sometimes can’t do what I favor, and even so, I still want them to be perfect.

Even when one does me wrong, I want it done in a perfect way as I desire it to be.

Now what to choose? I hate myself being indecisive, but I have to be wise rite? I put aside my impulsiveness for serious matters.

Alif   :   “It’s simple. Either you do it and do all the consequences start from now, or just don’t do it at all. It’s that simple, Ay. Uhm, wait, I know I know, it’s impossible for you since you’re this complicated type of person, rite? I know, you never changed.”

Life is full of options. Sometimes, we don’t need to over-think things and take them easy instead. But hey, I’m a perfectionist! Dealing with serious matters as simple is not enact-able!

[ problems unsolved ]